We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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