There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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