im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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