totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
