I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
