The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
