i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
