If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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