everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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