I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
