it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
