my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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