I'm lost and stupid without you.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
