Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
