lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
