he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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