six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
