I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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