dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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