I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
