you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
