i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
