If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
