He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
