I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
