Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
