God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
