I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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