Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
