I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
