can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
