he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
