Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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