Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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