i already hear my dad disowning me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
