i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
