Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We have started to decorate penises.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
