My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
