I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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