those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
