he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
