Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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