I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm just crazy horny about you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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