our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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