Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize