God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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