I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
