Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
