I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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