I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize