carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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