Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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