WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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