also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
