great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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