um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
