Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
