i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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