You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
