cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
