Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
