But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
