this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize