So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
