I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
