we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
