Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
