white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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