i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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