she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
