I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
