Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
