thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize