Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize