Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
